Want Ads

Sean Donovan, Staff Want-Ad Guy

Wanted: The meaning of life, preferably fits on one line or is summable in one vocal word. Phone or send to : Heaven, c/o God (the one and only), Summit on high, lane one. 000-000-0000 or fax 888-888-8888

Wanted: A couple of children, ages 7 to 11 to watch 90 hours of Care Bears (violent scenes censored by the V-chip). Send replies to: Mr. T. Collings, V-chip inventor, SFU

Wanted: A psychiatrist to unprogram last test subjects of a V-chip experiment. Contact: Care Bears reprogramming centre, Seattle WA

Wanted: Someone to take telephone calls on V-chip. Must be able to handle important people, like Presidents of large companies and countries, Prime Ministers, Directors and CRTC officials. Student will be on sliding pay scale. Send resume, including references to Mr. T. Collings, V-chip inventor, SFU.

Wanted: 3000 rolls of toilet paper. Delivered to Bob 'running nose' Dusky. Needed for the upcoming colds aquired during exam periods. Call Bob at 291-4451 and call often.

Wanted: Business Co-op to manage the facilitation of the exam file. Responsibilities - ensure exams are not misappropriated, merged with people's stuff and can handle responsibility (we give you a key to the exam file). Must be used to being bored. Send resume to: EUSS, little office 8804, SFU, Burnaby, BC, V5A 1S6.

REALLY WANTED: Suggestions on what foods (like sandwhichs, choclate bars) to dispense in the EUSS lounge and HOW to dispense the food, without large capital investment, but will keep us all honest. e-mail suggestions to: sdonovan@sfu.ca

Wanted: More credit hours _ for the engineering student who fears life, likes to study, and has own sleeping bag for all-nighters. E-mail applications to Ted Wilson, c/o this paper.

Needed: Prewritten ENSC 106 essay. Must be on technology and can't be long. Max ten pages and must get a pass. Be discrete, put under Susan Stevenson's door. Will sign paper when price is agreed upon. Call 291-4451 and get whoever answers the phone to call out in pit for 'Mud puppy lover'. Call between 2:30 to 4:00 any day of the work week.

Lost: My large invisable friend, somewhere in the URL lab. Careful, he is tempermental and doesn't like being called 'Freddy'. Was last seen doing backstroke in the 'pool' making sonar sounds. If seen, get the door monitor to fish him out.

SERIOUSLY NEEDED: Dedicated people to help with the next issue of Enscquire! Or, at the very least, your Enscquire submissions, letters to the editor, etc. Contact the editor at minty@sfu.ca.

WANTED: Used skates for intense shinny action. Looking for the best skates under $100. Call Rob at 299-3725.

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