I have a complaint about how the Engineering Undergraduate Student Society is run. It doesn't feel like the school has any spirit anymore. Back in first year, I made a $30 contribution to the student society, but I don't see that many things happening with that money. I would like people to organize more activities for us and our peers - barbecues, ski trips, hikes, conferences, academic surveys galore! The Enscquire seems to be lacking articles lately, too. I also want to see us better represented in the faculty and in the university. What is happening to an engineering school that was once so great? I see a few people running around like chikens with their heads cut off, so what is coming out of all that running?

Apathetic Student

Dear Apathetic/A Pathetic Student,

Thank you for bringing up an issue that has been raised on a couple of occasions by socially-inept individuals with little or no intelligence, like yourself. We sometimes like to humour the less vocal people when they think they have something to contribute.

It may be that the frequency of events and accomplishments has been decreasing from your point of view. However, being associated with the Engineering Undergraduate Student Society, I see a number of things in the works, in the background.

I would like to draw your attention to a line in your letter: "I see a few people running around like chikens [sic] with their heads cut off." Firstly, learn to spell "chickens". Secondly, I noticed you used the word "see". If you are genuinely interested in improving the social or academic quality of students' life, I suggest that you *be* one of those people running around like chiCkens with their heads cut off. In fact, we could probably help you out by providing an authentic French guillotine.

Whether or not the current EUSS executive does a fair job is one matter. But they are the people that are volunteering their time to the student body — entirely on their own will and time, without pay and with limited money-laundering capacities (most embezzlements must be approved by the Director of the School of Engineering Science).

If you think these executives aren't doing their duties, you should perhaps contact them with suggestions. Or, better yet, attend an EUSS meeting (currently Mondays at 5:30pm in the Sunny Room) and let your voice be heard. Even better *yet*, perhaps you'd like to better them and should then run for the position in the upcoming EUSS elections. [Nomination forms are available from any EUSS exec, due on March 17.] Of course, no one would vote for you because you're evil. But, then again, no one may be running against you, so you could probably take over the world. ERTW, ya know?

So. Go for it. Run for a position. Voice your opinions, let us know how we're doing. In fact, we may just turn this into a real column in the Enscquire instead of a satirical one-time article; now there's an idea ...

Thanks for writing. If you have any more beefs to voice, send us mail at "Dear Grace, c/o EUSS, SFU School of Engineering Science".

And go through spell-check first.

Grace

Note: The above article is completely fictictious. Any resemblance to real persons or incidents is purely coincidental and unintentional. However, we *are* thinking of making this "column" a feature in the Enscquire. If you have complaints, concerns or suggestions to make regarding the operation of the Engineering Undergraduate Student Society, please feel free to contact one of your friendly EUSS execs.