Why Engineering?

Kim Zipursky, EUSS First Year Representative

So here I am starting a challenging (read as grueling) degree after a four-year visit to the 'real world'. People keep asking me, "Why engineering?". All I can say is that I've carefully considered the alternatives and they were NOT acceptable. Join me now for a guided tour through the classified section, as seen by the unskilled-job hunter...

WHAT THE JOB AD SAYS WHAT IT MEANS

Advancement opportunity Crap job

Entry level Really a crap job

No experience necessary The mother of all crap jobs

Progressive company Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday

Upbeat personality Must neither threaten us with a lawsuit nor use the drug & alcohol rehab benefit within the first year

Public relations Receptionist

Professional appearance important $20 K/year job that requires a $100 K/year wardrobe

Jeans job! Minimum wage temp job in concentration camp conditions

Civil service This job was filled from the inside six months ago

Tons of variety! We took all the heinous tasks no other employee would do and rolled them into one job

Top-notch communication skills Telemarketing

Beautiful offices/attractive location Brand new ticky-tacky windowless building where the picture frames all match the carpeting

Salary range $24,000 to $32,000 The salary is $24,000

Salary commensurate We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like

Competitive starting salary Ten cents above minimum wage

Pleasant atmosphere A staff of pod people

Professional atmosphere Zombie pod people

Fun, creative atmosphere Pod people from hell

Dynamic atmosphere Zombie pod people from hell

WHAT THE JOB AD SAYS	WHAT IT MEANS
Advancement opportunity	Crap job
Entry level	Really a crap job
No experience necessary	The mother of all crap jobs
Progressive company	Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday
Upbeat personality	Must neither threaten us with a lawsuit nor use the drug & alcohol rehab benefit within the first year
Public relations	Receptionist
Professional appearance important	$20 K/year job that requires a $100 K/year wardrobe
Jeans job!	Minimum wage temp job in concentration camp conditions
Civil service	This job was filled from the inside six months ago
Tons of variety!	We took all the heinous tasks no other employee would do and rolled them into one job
Top-notch communication skills	Telemarketing
Beautiful offices/attractive location	Brand new ticky-tacky windowless building where the picture frames all match the carpeting
Salary range $24,000 to $32,000	The salary is $24,000
Salary commensurate	We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like
Competitive starting salary	Ten cents above minimum wage
Pleasant atmosphere	A staff of pod people
Professional atmosphere	Zombie pod people
Fun, creative atmosphere	Pod people from hell
Dynamic atmosphere	Zombie pod people from hell

This insightful guide to ad-ese was published in the April 1995 issue of LUMPEN and was written by Kathryn Carmony.

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