Weak Endings

Our advice to place new or important information at the end of a sentence may seem just the opposite to what makes sense. Because we naturally focus on what is most important, we tend to put it first when writing. However, when we do so, our intentions and the reader's expectations are likely to conflict. In our eagerness to communicate new information or to make an important point, we actually de-emphasize this information. We break the flow by which new information becomes known information, which in turn provides the context for more new information. The following diagram illustrates the pattern for weak endings.



Some Pointers
  1. Look for sentences that trail off rather lamely.

  2. Also look for lengthy qualifiers tagged on at the end of the sentence.

  3. Avoid small phrases introducing a list when a colon will suffice.

Start Exercise

Exercise

Placing modifiers at the end of sentences is one way to break the flow of ideas. The following examples demonstrate how to restructure sentences ending with modifiers in order to locate important information at the end.

Hint
1. Original:

The information provided in the report suggesting the crash was caused by mechanical failure is not persuasive for the most part.

1.Hinted:

The information provided in the report suggesting the crash was caused by mechanical failure is not persuasive for the most part.

1. Revised:

Explanation

The modifying phrase, for the most part, belongs at the beginning of the sentence to modify the subject. When we move this phrase, then not persuasive is emphasized as the new, most important point in the sentence -- which is what the writer intended.


Note a similar pattern in the following example:

Hint
2. Original:

An explanation of atmospheric stability and a detailed evaluation of its application to this air quality evaluation is contained in Appendix A.

2. Hinted:

An explanation of atmospheric stability and a detailed evaluation of its application to this air quality evaluation is contained in Appendix A.

2. Revised:

Explanation

Again, in Appendix A is not the most important information in the original sentence. It merely tells the reader where to find information considered too detailed for the body of a report. Reversing the order of the sentence places the context -- where the information can be found -- at the beginning and relocates the important information in the position of most emphasis at the end of the sentence.


The revised sentence in the following example demonstrates that creating appropriate emphasis sometimes elimates unnecessary repetition.


Hint
3. Original:

The department had made a series of requests in their letters of 15 February, 20 February, and 27 February 1999. The departmental requests may be listed as follows:

3. Hinted:

The department had made a series of requests in their letters of 15 February, 20 February, and 27 February 1999. The departmental requests may be listed as follows:

3. Revised:
Explanation

Once more, the dates of the letters provide context -- where something can be found. When we move this context to the beginning of the first sentence, we can simply eliminate the second sentence because ending with a series of requests now prepares readers for whatever follows the colon. We also eliminated unnecessary repetition by removing the repeated word February.

As the last example indicates, revising for emphasis can involve more than one sentence. When you revise one sentence for emphasis, you may see more clearly how other ideas within a paragraph relate and identify opportunities for further revisions. Consequently, after revising one sentence, read on to ensure no further changes are required.