Embedded Phrases

Another principle of order is that the subject and verb should be close to one another. Where possible, you should avoid complicating a sentence by inserting information that you could place elsewhere between the subject and verb . Embedding one idea within another can frustrate readers who expect the subject of a sentence to be followed by its verb. The following diagram illustrates the pattern for embedded phrases.


 
Some Pointers
  1. The occasional embedded phrase is OK for stylistic variety, but avoid separating the verb from its subject.

  2. Place the embedded phrase at the beginning or end of the sentence.

  3. Split long sentences into shorter ones.

  4. Avoid placing references in the middle of sentences and never place figures in the middle of sentences.


Start Exercise

Embedding may also mislead the reader because a large embedded phrase will appear more important than it really is. As the following examples indicate, you can often resolve the problem simply by moving the embedded information.


Hint
1. Original:

Engineers, because they inadvertently write in ways that, all too often, use technical jargon, lengthy noun strings, and the passive voice, have problems communicating with non-specialists.

1.Hinted:

Engineers, because they inadvertently write in ways that, all too often, use technical jargon, lengthy noun strings, and the passive voice, have problems communicating with non-specialists.

1. Revised:

Hint
2. Original:

This practice, while satisfying the client on whose project we are working, leads to several of our other clients' needs not being met.

2. Hinted:

This practice, while satisfying the client on whose project we are working, leads to several of our other clients' needs not being met.

2. Revised:

Explanation

In these examples, we simply move the subject after the embedded clause or phrase to reunite the subject and verb. In the first example, a tendency to put the clause beginning with because in the middle of the sentence may result from the so-called rule to never begin a sentence with because. The writer could elect to move this clause to the end of the sentence, but that move may violate the principle of placing new information at the end. We assume that jargon, noun strings, and the passive voice were discussed in previous sentences, so that problems communicating with non-specialists is the new information that is now appropriately placed at the end of the sentence.


Sometimes revising to eliminate unnecessary embedding involves breaking a sentence in two:

Hint
3. Original:

The bipolar junction transistor, a three terminal solid state device, which is often referred to simply as "the transistor," is widely used in discrete circuits as well as in integrated circuits, both analog and digital, because the device's performance is remarkable predictable and quite insensitive to variations in device parameters.

3. Hinted:

The bipolar junction transistor, a three terminal solid state device, which is often referred to simply as "the transistor," is widely used in discrete circuits as well as in integrated circuits, both analog and digital, because the device's performance is remarkable predictable and quite insensitive to variations in device parameters.

3. Revised:

Explanation

In the revised sentence, we added a verb (is) after the subject, bipolar junction transistor, to create a separate sentence. We also moved the dependent clause (because...) to the beginning of the new second sentence, assuming that how widely the transistor is used is the important, new information. Note that to improve clarity, we changed the subject of the second sentence from device to this transistor. If you would have retained device to avoid repeating transistor, remember the importance of repetition for ensuring your writing is coherent. Repetition is a particularly effective means of emphasizing the subject you are writing about. Of course, you can repeat a word too many times, but many writers worry too much about repeating words. When in doubt, repeat rather than substitute words.


We offer this final example to point out that embedding can also be caused by problems in your formatting.

Hint
4. Original:

For inversion cases, the dispersion models [Figures 3 and 4 were placed here] do not incorporate mixing height into E and F stability (e.g., inversion) ambient air quality predictions.

4. Hinted:

For inversion cases, the dispersion models [Figures 3 and 4 were placed here] do not incorporate mixing height into E and F stability (e.g., inversion) ambient air quality predictions.

4. Revised:

Explanation

Placing even a small figure (or table) in the middle of a page so that it splits a sentence will distract readers enough that they lose their train of thought. In this case, the writer placed two full-page figures in the middle of a sentence, forcing readers to flip back and forth in order to follow the gist of the discussion. This sort of formatting problem can be resolved by moving a figure so that it appears between sentences rather than in the middle of one.